Whiskers on Kittens

It has been 3 weeks since my surgery and a little less since my visit to the ER and the discovery of the infection. I have been taking antibiotics and using Silvadene on my face this whole time. Tomorrow I go to Little Rock for a follow up visit. The skin grafts do not look good to me. It is like the skin is rotting on my face and huge bumpy ridges are forming along the outside edge of the grafts. I am not looking forward to this visit.

Moments like this suck. I hate going to bed, I'll end up having messed up dreams if I do, but I hate being awake and angry even more.  I have no outlet whatsoever. Listening to music will lead to daydreaming which will lead to violent fantasies which will lead to even more anger. I wish I had shit to do around here to keep me busy so I would not have so much time to think.  I could get in my truck and drive but I would just get angry and try to crash into a brick wall or something. 

There is no refuge in sleep and I cannot stand being awake. Asleep or awake my mind goes to a bad place. One minute I am so depressed I cannot move from the spot, and then the next I am so angry I want to take some adorable little fuzzy animal and squeeze it until it screams.